5 Real Things No One Tells New Moms (Backed by Psychology & Real Talk)
1. Your body might not feel like your own for a while.
Psych Insight: Hormonal shifts are common. Estrogen withdrawal after pregnancy increases anxiety by changing the oxytocin pathways in the brain (Hedges et al., 2021).
Forum: “My hair is falling out, my moods are all over the place and I'm self-medicating with food-not good for the waist line or my self-esteem.”
Advice: Be gentle with yourself. Your body just did a wonderful thing. Nourish it and let yourself rest. Healing isn’t always linear but it is happening.
2. Love isn’t always instant.
Psych Insight: The idea of a “sensitive bonding” period (touch at birth) has mixed evidence—attachment grows over days, not just minutes .
Study: Some mothers experience difficulty bonding right away, and their feelings may develop over time (Røseth et al., 2018).
Advice: Give your bond time to grow, love built slowly can run deeper than you think.
3. You might grieve the old version of you.
Psych Insight: Major life transitions like motherhood often trigger grief for identity loss. A recent study found that 95% of mothers experienced guilt while 62% experienced a loss of identity (Peanut & Tommee Tippee, 2023).
Testimony: “I looked in the mirror and didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. Not only was I unsure of who I was anymore, but I felt like I would never feel like myself again. And with that loss of me came grief and shame. Why were other new moms glowing with happiness, while I felt like a hollow shell of a person? I had chosen this path—I wanted to be a mother—so why did I feel so lost?” (Siebold, 2025).
Advice: It’s okay to miss who you were, and honor who you are becoming. You aren’t lost, you are just evolving!
4. Everyone asks about the baby—but not always about you.
Psych Insight: Emotional symbiosis during the postpartum period is a deeply intertwined and emotionally dependent time between a mom and her newborn ((Wonderland Montessori School, 2025). This period can leave a mom’s identity blurred. Support and checking in on her is important.
Forum: One in five moms rarely being asked about their well-being postpartum (Mayer, 2021). While people mean well asking new moms about her baby, we must support moms and make them feel seen and supported.
Advice: Your wellbeing matters. Don’t hesitate to be honest with your people about how you are feeling. You aren’t the only mama who has felt this way and I promise you will be met with open arms.
5. Rest isn’t optional, it’s survival.
Psych Insight: Sleep is a necessity, Lack of sleep can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and anxiety, and for new mothers, the risk for postpartum depression sharply increases (Reed, 2024).
Advice: Take turns with sleep shifts, and lean on support from family and friends who can step in to give moms a chance to rest during the day.
References
Hedges, V. L., Heaton, E. C., Amaral, C., Benedetto, L. E., Bodie, C. L., D'Antonio, B. I., … Been, L. E. (2021). Estrogen withdrawal increases postpartum anxiety via oxytocin plasticity in the paraventricular hypothalamus and dorsal raphe nucleus. Biological Psychiatry, 89(9), 929–938. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.biopsych.2020.11.016 pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+1pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov+1
Røseth, I., Bongaardt, R., Lyberg, A., Sommerseth, E., & Dahl, B. (2018). New mothers' struggles to love their child. An interpretative synthesis of qualitative studies. International journal of qualitative studies on health and well-being, 13(1), 1490621. https://doi.org/10.1080/17482631.2018.1490621
Peanut & Tommee Tippee. (2023, April 3). New study from Peanut and Tommee Tippee finds 95% of mothers experience guilt and 62% face loss of identity. PR Newswire. https://www.prnewswire.co.uk/news-releases/new-study-from-peanut-and-tommee-tippee-finds-95-of-mothers-experience-guilt-and-62-face-loss-of-identity-301784913.html
Siebold, K. (2025, February 4). Who am I now? Coping with postpartum identity loss. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-to-thrive-postpartum/202502/who-am-i-now-coping-with-postpartum-identity-loss
Wonderland Montessori School. (2025, May 12). Mother and newborn: A deep early connection. https://www.wonderlandmontessori.com/mother-and-newborn-a-deep-early-connection
Mayer, B. A. (2021, April 27). 1 in 5 moms says no one asks how they're doing after having a baby. Parents. https://www.parents.com/news/1-in-5-moms-say-theyre-rarely-asked-how-theyre-doing-postpartum/
Reed, J. (2024). How new moms can get more sleep. Health Matters, NewYork–Presbyterian. Retrieved from https://healthmatters.nyp.org/how-new-moms-can-get-more-sleep/
